The Morning Wood - 09/01/2006

Stud: Ryan Howard
What a stud! I don’t care if the Phillies lost, Ryan Howard is masculine. He hit his 49th home run last night, passing Mike Schmidt and his Selleck-esque mustache for the most in team history, and this one was no joke. I haven’t seen an estimated distance, nor would I really trust any estimate coming out of the D.C. area but #49 was thick. I would say he has answered any doubters he had going into the season. Still on pace for 60!

Dud: Phil Nevin
Yeah, it really wasn’t a good day for duds yesterday, so I had to give it to my boy Phil Nevin, who followed up an ’05 season where he was all but traded to the Orioles before rejecting the trade to then be traded to the Rangers with an ’06 season where he has been traded twice. Congratulations, every one kind of maybe needs you on their team. At least he doesn’t have to deal with the squalor that is the Chicago Cubs any longer.

Talk Around The Cooler:
Oh man, the U.S. doesn’t rule at everything! I guess we’ll just have to rest assured that our trophies for gas consumption and food waste still mean we’re special after our boys were beaten by Greece in the semifinals of the World Championship. Greece doesn’t even have any NBA players on their team. Shocking! When they haven’t been eating gyros three meals a day, this team has probably been practicing together somewhat consistently. I still don’t believe Carmelo Anthony is good for a team, even if he did drop 27 yesterday. One thing is for sure: you have to be better than 59% from the free throw line. The potential bronze medals for the team surely will not get as much love in their homes as their Tony Montana paintings.

Quick Hits:
David Wells has been traded to San Diego and, keep in mind when you read this next part that it isn’t meant to be an insult, I can’t think of another person in the world who looks more like a Whale’s Vagina than Wells. The Washington Redskins are worth 1.423 billion dollars. Imagine how much they would be worth if they didn’t suck. A-Rod had three hits last night, “snapping” out of a 1-24 slump. Wow, that’s quite a slump. Sammy Morris was suspended by the NFL for violating their drug policy. What a pussy though, he was suspended for using ephedrine. Be a man Sammy; get suspended for smoking the herb. It’s a Dolphin running back tradition.