The Morning Wood - 08/24/2006

Stud: Derek Keller and Devon DeJardin
These two “Yet to see a” Beaverton Oregon Prepubs combined for a no hitter to advance their team to the U.S. title game. The only reason they are up here is that they somehow allowed 3 runs to score off of no hits and almost lost the game! Straight gangsta!

Dud: Drew Henson
Remember when you were only overrated as a baseball player? Henson was likely to be cut this week as Soprano extra Tony Romo has firmly entrenched himself in the back up QB spot and Bill Parcells’ navel. Geez Drew, it must be tough to now be a no sport athlete. Drew knows…unemployment checks? Then again, the Yankees might be in the market for a 3rd baseman.

Talk Around the Cooler:
Kevan Barlow, the Roseanne Barr of fantasy football, apologized yesterday for saying former coach Mike Nolan was like Hitler. Oh Kevan, I accept your apology because athletes always say things like this. However, there are several things I cannot accept. The spelling of your name. The excuse that you are a passionate player and that is why you said what you did. Passionate players do not rush for 822 yards after I draft them in the first five rounds of a fantasy football draft. Those players are called awful. So I don’t care if your coach is Ghengis Khan, you, my friend, suck.

Quick Hits...
Pat Riley will return to coach the Miami Heat next year. No word on when Stan Van Gundy is going to return to society. WSOP Winner Jamie Gold is being sued . Can I sue someone for the amount of times I'm going to see that douchebag win the tournament on ESPN replays? Martin Gramatica was cut by the Patriots yesterday. No word on if he over-celebrated his way off the field. Lonny Baxter was sentenced to two months in jail for popping a cap near the White House. This will definitely affect his chances of playing in the NBA this year. But not as much as his lack of touch, conditioning, and heart will. Finally, Dirk Nowitzki dropped 47 on Angola, getting Germany a 3 OT win. That 47 also would have probably been nice in Game 4 of the NBA Finals against the Heat. No no, it's cool, hang it on Angola.