The Morning Wood - 08/31/2006

Stud: Curt Schilling
Congratulations to Curt Schilling for somehow managing to take time from his soapboxing about God, politics, steroids, QUESTEC and protective batting padding to strike out 3,000 batters, becoming the 14th pitcher to do so. This is a pretty exclusive club, unlike the Drug Dealers blown by Andy Dick Society.

Dud: Curt Schilling
Unfortunately, in the same game he had his 3,000th strikeout, he also managed to give up eleven hits and six runs, completely striking out on being the stopper to this horrible Red Sox slump. So congratulations also for stinking up the joint after you reached your milestone. It doesn’t get any easier either as the Sox might be Manny and Papi-less versus Carrot Top Halladay tonight. I am woe.

Talk Around The Cooler:
The U.S. Open has started and I figure that it is still early enough in the proceedings (based on the fact that Roddick hasn’t been eliminated yet. In ya face!) to discuss Andre Agassi’s swan song and Roger Federer’s domination. Agassi has had one of those careers where he goes from brash and hated to humble and beloved. I personally think that the support of his wife Brooke Shields has really led to his settling down. Wait, really? Split up? In 1999? Hmm, that’s odd. Whoa, to Steffi Graf? The tennis player? She has female body parts? Wow, geez that’s weird. So yeah, I guess that whole humble thing kind of just came about naturally then. Hopefully he lasts several rounds before his back starts acting up again. I’m going to go out on a limb and say Roger Federer is going to win. He’s like the Tiger Woods of rich white people sports.

Quick Hits:
Willie Parker is getting extended like Lorenz Tate in a room full of hefty white bitches. That 3.75 million dollar signing bonus almost makes it acceptable to be a grown man named “Willie”. T.O. might actually suit up tonight for the Cowboys. Here’s to hoping that he doesn’t oversleep past the 8 p.m. kickoff. Hey Wang, this rotation is restricted, so don’t tell them you’re good! Mark Mulder is apparently finished for the year due to shoulder problems. The only question this brings to mind is: did he ever actually start the year? Finally John Daly had to withdraw from the BMW Invitational in Germany due to a gastrointestinal virus. I don’t know about you but I think John Daly + gastrointestinal instability is a recipe for disaster/brown bathroom curtains.