The Morning Wood - 08/17/2006

Stud: Ryan O'Malley
Who? Yeah, I don't know either. What I do know is that he got a knock on his door at 6:30 yesterday morning and a notification that he was going to make his major league debut later on in the day. How's that for short notice? Eight innings pitched, no runs and a win last night against the Astros. Other tidbits: Mark Prior strained his tear ducts while crying during last night's game.
Quick note: What's the deal with the Astros? Talk about a pitcher's worst nightmare. Andy Pettite threw a complete game, gave up one run and still lost. Give me a contract, I can get on the field and help not score runs, too.

Dud: Los Angeles Oakland Orange County Hollywood Angels of Anaheim Vs. Texas Rangers
Come on guys, what are you fighting about? Worse, why is Adam Kennedy charging the mound? I'd be happy to throw down with him - don't be confused by my 140-pound frame, I packs a punch. I'd give him the Nolan Ryan vs. Robin Ventura treament.

Talk Around The Cooler:
It's great that Ron Artest hasn't learned to quell his anger. Yes - hasn't. As part of his community service "punishment" Ron Artest imparted some serious words of wisdom to children yesterday and I love it. Keep it real, Ron Ron. Word has it that as part of his punishment Stephen Jackson decided to punch innocent bystanders to teach them about security at NBA games.

The most important player on the most important football team in the world practiced yesterday. I wish I could be more enthusiastic about T.O. being on the Cowboys, but I really see everything blowing up on about the 2nd drive of week 1. Terrell was working with quarterbacks that were actually talented when he had his hissyfits. Now he's out there with a QB that doesn't realize there's a defense on the field. Damn you, Jerry Jones.

Sidenote: Has anyone seen T.O.'s edition of cribs? If anybody can find a photo of his customized VW beetle (with matching glasses and homosexual undertones), please send it to me. Easily the worst moment in Cribs history, outside of the Ying Yang Twins cooning it up like no other. Yeah, I did just say that.

What's the deal with the Nationals and Soriano? I'm assuming Jim Bowden suddenly realized there's no chance Soriano's staying in DC - mistake #1. How 'bout we see if there's any last second interest in him, but let's not let him know - mistake #2. Personally, I wouldn't mind shots ringing out out in the stands from Anacostia residents during Nats games. Brings a little bit more life (or death) to the game. I'm gully.

Quick Hits:
Taking my salary into consideration, I'm thinking I cost my company about $0.24 in productivity over the course of the 17-week NFL salary. Taking my productivity into consideration, I probably cost my company my entire salary. Interesting how things work.

The headline is bad enough, but seriously what are (aren't) they looking at? Are you serious? Why don't you take them to a strip club while you're at it.

So the team of overpaid, "over-the-hill" underachievers broke ground on its new stadium yesterday. No joke/punchline here. I've stopped trying. Hasmitt has told me I'm not funny so I'll have to accept that.