The Morning Wood - 08/07/2006

Stud: Tiger Woods
The man, the myth, the video game has once again felt the joy of victory, this being his 50th time in his still-young professional career. This is only trumped by the feeling of an au pair in his pants. With all these wins, Mr. Woods has had time and ample opportunity to perfect his patented whiteguycelebration. Now, I don't like to see anyone dominate a sport too much, but watching Tiger tossin darts at the pin is pretty freaking fun to watch, week in and week out. His hissyfits after poor drives, however, really need to go.

Dud: Floyd Landis
Now I really wanted to believe him when he said that he would vindicate himself of these charges, but it looks like he'll be proving true the age-old adage of "whoever denied it, supplied it." Whenever you're complaining that you weren't given enough time to "mount a defense" in a steroids case, you aren't exactly screaming innocence, as far as I'm concerned. I mean, look at him endorsing The Clear. While it does seem a little odd that he would take testosterone once (which wouldn't really help) after being tested several times during the Tour, I'm still having a lot of trouble believing him. That being said, if I hear one more sports reporter talking about how "nothing is sacred anymore" or that "we can't believe anything in any sport," I plan on taking HGH, ringing on their doorbell and beating the piss out of them.

Talk Around the Cooler:
David Wright will be swimming in a bevy of New York poozle for years to come, as the Mets signed him to a six year, $55 million extension yesterday. This comes just days after they locked up Jose Reyes for four more years at the discounted price of $23 mil. This is absolutely huge for the team, as evidenced by Steve Phillips' week-long erection. They've got the best, young leftside of the infield in baseball, and they're underpaying for it. Good work by Omar Minaya.

Quick Hits...
The MLS All-Stars beat world power Chelsea 1-0 over the weekend. This is actually huge news to the 8 people who care in America. Sadly, I'm one of them. Cheers to Isiah Thomas, who added yet another underachieving player with no real position to his roster. It's amazing, but I think he actually found a big guy who rebounds worse than Eddie Curry. More problems at Hell's Angels Pittsburgh chapter. TeamUSA beat a Yao-less China 119-73. Way to dunk on this guy. And this guy. Supplies!