The Morning Wood - 08/15/2006

Due to a rather intense long weekend, the SU Crew was unable to provide you with your daily dose of sports insight. We apologize, to all three of you, for leaving you in the dark.

Stud: Drew Gooden
Get your spend on playa! 3 years for $23 million? For 10 and 8? This just goes to show you that you can't teach height, but you can sure overspend for it.


Dud: Clinton Portis
For a couple of reasons here. For one, the shoulder injury now really screws up fantasy drafts everywhere because who knows what you're going to be running like when you come back. Two, I'm okay with you calling out the preseason as being too long but hey, you got hurt spearing the shit out of a defensive guy after a turnover! Just push him out of bounds! Now you might be looking like this guy the whole year

Talk Around the Cooler:

Matt Leinart finally gets his deal done. Just by signing this deal and becoming an NFL QB under the age of 40, he catches everything she has flowing through her blood stream. Apparently the deal was delayed due to escalators in the contract. I understand Leinart's concern: walking down stairs is for pussies.

Junior Seau retired after 16 years of fist pumping after even the most common tackles. His press conference confirmed one thing for me: Playing football for that many years shaves a couple digits off the old IQ. What is all this talk about wanting him but not needing him? That's not Vince Lombardi talk, that's Ross and Rachel talk. Also, I'm sorry to tell him but this isn't his "graduation" day. It's his "my body is going to start falling apart at a rate that I can't possibly fathom, causing me to crawl into a Fred's Margarita the size of Barry Bonds' helmet" day.

Quick Hits...
Randy Moss returned to the Metrodome and caught one ball for 16 yards. Man, preseason football is titillating! Barbaro is grazing outside of his stall. I can't wait until we starting getting ESPN.com articles about his bowel movements. Evgeni Malkin, the Penguins' 2004 draft pick, apparently pulled a Contreras and disappeared from his Russian team, which is considering filing a lawsuit. Smells like Cold War II. Finally, Emmitt Smith is joining the Dancing with the Stars contestants for next year. Personally, I would say he's the favorite to win as he has some solid experience dancing around like a fairy with the Cardinals.