The Morning Wood - 08/02/2006

Stud: Arthur Rhodes
Corey Lidle, recently traded to the Yankees, had some not-so-pleasant comments about his former Phillies teammates after the deal. Always a classy move. So Rhodes, the same man who almost tore Omar Vizquel's head off when he complained about the pitcher's earring bling distracting him at the plate, fired back, calling Lidle a "scab" for crossing the picket line in '94, saying he never worked out enough, and that he was on the internet during games he wasn't pitching in. Suddenly, Lidle had a change of tune, saying "what I meant and I think what I said was a little bit different." Bitch got punk'd. As far as I can tell, Lidle is a chubby dork w/no spine, no moral compass and a penchant for online porn that might surpass this guy's. Kudos, Arthur Rhodes, for calling out this little girl, who is now headed where he belongs.

Dud: The University of Miami Hurricanes
After hearing about Duke Lacrosse, four of the U's football players decided they weren't gon'get outdone by no smart skool and were suspended for the first game of the season, though they haven't said why. The only thing we know about this Miami vice was that they "violated team policy," which I would think has something to do with those four not buying alcohol for and/or sleeping with an underaged female during the offseason. Head coach Larry Coker was quoted as saying, "we have high standards here. We're a program of quality kids. And these kids are good kids. They're not bad kids." Did he get this out w/a straight face? Or was it said in a whimpering tone, capped off w/a whiny, "I swear!" A sample of these "quality kids" have matured into these upstanding young adults. Truly an institution of higher learning.

Talk Around the Cooler:
The NBA has scheduled another Christmas Day game of Shaq vs. Kobe. Frankly, I'm tired of this so-called feud. It lost all sex appeal when they kissed and made up, and the Heat are so much better than the Lakers, it's not even a good matchup. Give me Wade vs. Lebron, Nash vs. Dirk, or even Bonner vs. Scalabrine. And I know what you're thinking, and the answer is No, pictures of/references to those two will never get old.

Hooray consipracy theories! Jeff Cirillo has suggested that the baseballs at Coors Field are waterlogged. Five years ago, Colorado decided to put their balls in a humidor (hehe) to counteract the thin air in Denver. He even said that some are oblong-shaped. Maybe it's b/c, since hitting 17 homeruns for Colorado in 2001, Cirillo has managed 15 roundtrippers...in the next 5 seasons. Someone's bitter. This article is filled w/great quotes, especially one from manager Ned Yost. "That's nuts, man...The same balls are used by both teams. I don't care if they are wet or dry." You know who else doesn't care? Cobi Jones. That's nuts, man...Priceless.

Quick Hits...
The Jets named Chad Pennington their starting quarterback, but have yet to mention who they'll be taking w/the #1 overall pick in the 2007 draft. Chase Utley has hit safely in 33 straight games, which means we're on the verge of some really awful headline writing. Gary Sheffield is open to moving over to first base for Bobby Abreu. Apparently not only did the wrist surgery go well, but the lobotomy was successful, too.