The Morning Wood - 07/27/2006

Stud: Justin Verlander
The kid went 6 2/3, allowed one run and struck out 8 as le Tigres took it those firewater slurpin' redmen, 4-1, outdueling this Adonis in the process. He's 23-years-old, and he's just mowing down lineup after lineup. The Indians' Jason Michaels was quoted as saying, "It felt like a thousand miles an hour. Just blowing me away. I was just trying to get something on it." When you've got a guy with 29 career homeruns saying shit like that, you know you've made it. All kidding aside, the Tigers look goooood, and I wouldn't want to run into them come playoff time, mainly b/c I'm pretty sure Chris Shelton packs some sort of firearm everywhere he goes, right next to his pouch o'chew. Seriously, look in those eyes. I just wet myself.

Dud: Albert Belle
This guy is fucking crazy. And not like haha-Latrell Spreewell or John Rocker crazy. I mean full-blown, Brad-Pitt-in-12 Monkeys loco. He put a GPS system on his ex-girl's car. That's a man that knows how to stalk. Let's remember, this is the same nutjob that left the field and chased a heckler in the stands in college, hit a photographer and a fan w/baseballs on separate occasions, hit Hannah Storm up w/a Hezbollah-esque firing of f-bombs, dropped Fernando Vina while running the basepaths, and - my personal favorite - chased egg-throwing teenagers down on Halloween, eventually bumping one...with his truck. Truly great stuff.

Talk Around the Cooler:
So The Round Mound is considering running for governor of Alabama. I love it. He once had similar musings, though they were w/the Republican Party. Now, he's changed sides, saying that he was a Repub "until they lost their minds." Another gem: "I'm rich like a Republican, but I'm not one." I'd really like to see him run. Even if he doesn't win, he'll bring that straight-shooter, Bulworth mentality to the election, which will at least take the other candidates out of their comfort zone. So I say, get your run on, Sir Charles, and let's hope that the answer to this isn't "every honkie in Alabama."

Quick Hits...
Someone tell Jerry Porter and Deion Branch that the only thing mediocre receivers can demand is that they get the damn ball. Chase Utley might be the best player in the bigs that you've never heard of. It was only a matter of time before I used that dumb-ass phrase on here. The Celtics signed this guy, seriously upping their street cred. Team him with this stud and watch the Eastern Conference cower in FEAR. You don't want this, Ben Wallace!