A humorous look at the world of sports...

Monday, July 31, 2006

The Morning Wood - 08/01/2006



Stud: David Ortiz
Que Bueno! He's not Dominican, but the Mexican Chorizo was running wild with joy as Ortiz' game-winning shot landed in the seats last night. Latin Pride, motherfuckers! At some point managers will realize it's best to pitch around him...and also best to pitch around Manny right after that.

Let's take a quick look at the Indians bullpen:
- The Indians bullpen has only converted only 15 of 28 saves this season
- As of last night, their current bullpen had accounted for 0 saves all season - due to trading away of Bob Wickman
- 0% of the bullpen staff has talent
- 100% of the staff is trying to bang Grady Sizemore

Taking those stats into consideration, it's safe to say that minimal talent/experience vs. Papi talent = Good result for the Red Sox. That was his 5th walk off hit of the season.

Dud: Blockbuster Trades
So, first Soriano was "very close" to going to the White Sox. But then the Angels, Twins and even the Marlins were pretty close working a deal for him. Oh yeah, the Sox threw an offer to the Braves for Andruw Jones. Miguel Tejada got traded...oh, nope he didn't. The trade deadline this year was nothing but a case of blue balls. Thanks for getting my hopes up. Blockbuster Trades, you're such a prude. Just give me a taste...please?


Talk Around The Cooler:
So Floyd Landis has super urine. It's clear from this new news, that Landis is other-worldly and not a cheater. When you mention otherwordly athletes, you think Jordan, LeBron, Yinka Dare, Victor Page, etc. I think of this man.

If you missed Danica Patrick's temper tantrum on Sunday, have a look. I'm a big fan of the 1st grade stomp on the pavement move. That bitch is pissed! This situation would have been so much better if she were wearing heels and a mini-skirt. Richard Petty had a smile on his face watching this.

Trades in other leagues occurred over the weekend - I know, hard to believe. But Jamaal Magloire was traded in exchance for 3 players. Yeah, I'm surprised too. Something is very wrong when Magloire is traded for 2 decent players and a pair of chopsticks and no one blinks - including the Asian guy. Somebody stop me.

Quick Hits:
I don't know about you, but I've been dying to smell like Derek Jeter. Now I finally can. Jeremy Shockey will always be entertaining. FIFA is really ahead of the curve when it comes to punishing players. I have no idea how teams will be able to muster up $24K, that's a lot of money. This is disgusting.

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