The Morning Wood - 07/28/2006

Stud: Corey Pavin.
Oh yeah, irrelevant "athletes" can achieve this accolade too. And by irrelevant, I really mean athletes you either thought were dead or out of the sport. And by Corey Pavin I mean the aged, skinny, wiry guy that drives the ball a robust 175 yards on a good day. Pavin broke the PGA Tour's nine-hole record with a front-nine 26. How do you get a 26 you say? You get her nice and liquored up before you bring her home. Bud-duh Bing. But really, you birdie 8 of the first 9 holes. Congrats to being relevant for 1 day, big guy.


Obvious Dud: Floyd Landis
So this dude from Bumblefuck, PA had us all wrapped around his little finger. ESPN gave us the interviews with his uber-isolated parents, we heard about his upcoming hip replacement surgery and this time around - this American was fortunate enough to have two testicles. I mean, could we have a better story? And then we learn that his male-hormone to epi-male hormone ratio is higher than allowable. And this was measured after "one of the greatest cycling stages in history." Suspicious. DON'T TRUST THE AMISH - STAY AWAY FROM PENNSYLVANIA DUTCH COUNTRY. THEY'RE NOT NORMAL.

Less Obvious Dud: LeCharles Bentley.
And I can only assume the "Le" was added upon his birth because he didn't have enough flair coming out of the "pocket." Inappropriate. The two-time Pro-Bowler tore his patellar tendon yesterday and will be out for the season. Cleveland ranked 25th in rushing offense and 23rd in passing. A good line and someone like LeCharles might go a great way towards improving those numbers. Happy Trails.

Talk Around The Cooler:
A bevy of 1st rounders signed contracts yesterday, including a one Vince Young, whose deal is actually a tad bit more than Mario Williams. This can only give this guy more leverage in his contract negotiations. Hopefully he and his agent won't bungle the negotiations like he bungled this play during the Rose Bowl. Smack me if I ever use the word "bevy" again. Thanks.

I don't know what Barry Bonds has threatened to do to Greg Anderson or what Greg Anderson knows that he can't let the general public know, but if his actions aren't the epitomy of loyalty, which in this case means stupidity, then I don't know what is.

Quick Hits:
If you pull your hamstring while taking a physical, what does that say about the condition you're in? Call me ignorant, racist, whatever. With every mention of the "Mexican Chorizo" I will be laughing.