The Morning Wood - 07/26/2006

Stud: Roy Halladay
Hey, a 13 game winner from the AL East! Unlike Jesus Schilling and Chucker Beckett, this guy is getting it done without a fat stack of run support. I'm not going to post any statistics to back that up! It is good to see him back after a year wasted due to injury. It is also great that he looks like Hans Klopek from the movie the Burbs. See, you can be successful in professional sports while being a red head.

Dud: AI Trade Rumors
Well, apparently AI isn't going anywhere after all. Billy King actually did something intelligent and realized that he isn't going to get full value for him in the offseason. Personally, I think King should focus on getting rid of that monster Chris Webber contract. I'm not saying he's not a good player, I'm just saying the last time he could jump, she was only rocking a five head.

Runner Up Dud: The Houston Astros Offense when Roger Clemens pitches
Nothing makes a man think more fondly of hosting summer pool parties and giving foot massages to his wife than 3 runs of support in his four losses. Karma should not be ruled out in this scenario: the going to the Yankees, the fake retiring, and that '04 Cy Young win when Randy Johnson was rocking better numbers but had a bad case of the flaccid run support.

Talk Around The Cooler:
The buzz is still out there about Alfonso Soriano and many people have him heading to the Chicago White Sox, making them even more of journalists' favorites to repeat as World Champions. Interesting that Soriano is potentially going from a crying manager to one who causes his players to cry. Caption to that picture: Where's Madonna's concert tonight?

Jan Ullrich and Lance Armstrong are joining forces? Well apparently it's a possibility. I don't know about you but I'm personally thinking that Lance Armstrong is more interested in Discovery than he is in the U.S.A. Is my view biased, ridiculous, and formed with facts? Yes, yes it is. But I'm no worse than this jock sweat sponge. Either way, Floyd Landis is going to be eating Crow all summer long.

Quick Hits:
Rick Majerus turned down an offer to be an assistant coach with the Denver Nuggets when he realized, much to his chagrin, that the team was in no way associated with McDonald's chicken nuggets. After being traded, Odalis Perez is about to learn that there are things in the world that are a lot worse than pitching inconsistently for a team in a major city and all those things reside in Kansas City. Ty Law claims to be a 110% better than he was last year, something that Chiefs fans are probably excited to hear. Unfortunately when pressed, Herman Edwards admitted that he was roughly 30% worse as a coach this year compared to last. Danika Patrick decided to not make the jump to NASCAR, instead signing with a different team because her heart and soul are with the IRL. Right, like women have those.