The Morning Wood - 06/29/2006

Stud: Andrea Bargnani.
Of course he hasn't set foot on an NBA court but being the #1 draft pick warrants knob-slobbing. I hadn't seen any video of him before last night, but he definitely seems like he can ball. Definitely Dirk-esque in his movements. I'm just hoping he'll be as friendly as zee German and hit us off with some candid photo ops like these international b-ball icons have been so gracious in doing:

Dud:Pedro Martinez.

Let's take a look at his line from last night: 3IP, 7HA, 8 runs scored against him, six of them earned, a 2-minute standing ovation and a lackluster jheri curl performance.

Honorable Mention: New York Knicks
Let's look at their two picks from last night: Renaldo Balkman(not Rolando Blackman) and Mardy Collins. Here's what ESPN has to say about Balkman:
"I just don't think Balkman has the talent to warrant a first-round selection. He might have the right attitude, but I can't see him as anything more than a marginal role player in the NBA"

And here's what they have to say about Collins:
"Mardy Collins is a big combo guard who knows how to play. But his lack of athleticism and shaky jumper combined with the fact that the Knicks already have four combo guards on their roster means that he's unlikely to contribute much."

Their grade for the Knicks Draft: F

Isiah has one year to turn the shitshow that is the NY Knicks around. That's not gonna happen, but I'm impatiently awaiting this lineup the first night of the season: Steve Francis, Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, Nate Robinson and Eddy Curry's pacemaker.

Talk Around The Cooler
So Larry Brown has filed a grievance against the Knicks claiming he should be owed the remainder of his contract with the Knicks. Isiah Thomas responded to this claim by offering Brown a position in the starting five this upcoming season, playing the 4. News outlets report the filing of this grievance is likely the first decision Brown will choose not to back out of. Zing!

In the world of dying sports, Evander Holyfield is returning to the ring to try to become less able to communicate like a human being. Is he drunk or has he taken too many punches to the head? Holyfield's interviews involve more slurring and stammering than this guy's.

What's the FedEx Cup? It's a new playoff structure the PGA TOUR is implementing next year. All I know is that they're now adding on a point structure based on performance. And I can't help but think that this guy and fans of this guy will liken the sport to NASCAR and golfing will be the new rage among this demographic.

Quick Hits
If things don't pan out for J.J. Redick, at least he can fall back on this esteemed title.

With this good news it's safe to say that Kerry Wood just sucks. No more excuses.

When matches at Wimbledon are being "fixed" I know my life is over as I know it. And my life is sad which means I need to be on a suicide watch. Or just given some bukkake porn (for relaxation purposes, of course). Anything to lighten my spirits.