The Morning Wood - 06/27/2006

Stud: David Ortiz.
I try to keep most of my personal sports attachments out of the Wood because I'm just that dedicated a journalist (like this is journalism) but what can you do when David Ortiz is such a STUD? Boston fans have become spoiled by this individual because of how many times he has come through in the clutch. I wasn't even that excited after his walk off homerun on Saturday to be honest. And yesterday, he hits a game ending RBI single in the 12th and I find myself thinking "hmm, no home run?" This isn't normal. No one should be this relied upon, unless it's this guy. Ay Papi!

Honorable Mention: The Oregon State Baseball Team
Overcoming a series deficit, as well as having the word "Beavers" on their chest throughout the entire series, The Oregon State baseball team won the national champioinship against a UNC squad that was probably haunted by the ghost of Ed Cota. This is the first "northern-based" school to win since 1966, so it just goes to show you that there was no reason to keep the Union together. Hmm. The MOP (ANTE UP!) of the CWS, Jonah Nickerson, started 3 games in 8 days. I'm assuming his arm now feels like her vagina does.

Dud:John Rocker
What, how did you get back into the semi-spotlight? Apparently Rocker doesn't recall attending any sensitivity training or paying a fine after offending 96% of the nation with his views on NY train life, but according to MLB, he might have lost some of his memory along with his fastball. If I'm Ozzie Guillen, I say "thanks for the back up Rockie" and get the hell away from this guy like he's a dead hooker. Which, in a year or so, hopefully he will be.


Talk Around the Cooler:
Isiah Thomas has a year to turn around the Knicks. Let me just say that Kevin Federline has a better chance to go multiplatinum and still be with Britney than Isiah does of "turning around" the Knicks. I mean, what is turning around for them? 30 wins? Steve Francis not texting Cat Mobley during every timeout? Congratulations for whoever finally decided to wake owner James Dolan up.

The World Cup has gone card happy! If you actually find some one at the water cooler that has been watching, attempt to make some joke combining no limit poker with the referees. For example, "I figured they would have had to put more in the pot to see all these cards! Oh Snap!" Always finish with "Oh Snap!" and you can't really go wrong. You could even work Uno in there if you'd like. Seriously though, stop booking people. The NBA season is over, I don't want to watch any more floppers.

Quick Hits...
Randy Johnson pitched well against a Braves team that was featuring five high school seniors and three legally blind individuals with hooves for hands. Watch as the NY Media tells us he's back. Lance Armstrong and Greg LeMond are having the weakest "biker fight" in history. Just so you know, I'm Pro-LeMond. The rain is ruining upper class sports like golf and tennis. What a shame; give 'em another tax break! I want to say congratulations to whichever team drafts Rudy Gay tomorrow night (better not be the Celtics). He is what would be produced if you combined Gerald Wallace's athleticism with Oliver McCall's toughness and this guy's energy level. Sniff the Tuesday