Sports Untertainment 2006 NBA Mock Draft: Picks 1-10

Here at Sports Untertainment, we've put together our 2006 NBA Mock Draft for your viewing pleasure. This first installment (1-10) is given to us by Hasmitt, via the great state of Pennsylvania, where he's on-site for an interview with Amish Kyle Korver groupies...

1 - Toronto Raptors: Andrea Bargnani, PF, Italy
If the pick isn’t traded, the Never Exists (according to Carl Everett) go with the large Euro. A legit seven footer, Drea 3000 has some silky outside touch. What, they already have Chris Bosh and Charlie Villenueva at the 4ish? Start all three, what do you have to lose? Who they should pick? Brandon Roy, but there is some stupid stigma against picking guards #1 so they won’t. Although I’m sure the Raptors would enjoy a two guard that would actually care (has the window closed on my ability to call out Vince Carter’s Raptors career?)

2 - Chicago Bulls (via New York): Brandon Roy, SG, Washington
Oh, so this is where the Knicks would be picking if they hadn’t mortgaged their future for their horrible present? That’s a shame. Why would the Bulls select Tyrus Thomas here when they already have Tyson Chandler and Luol Deng? They already have a guy with no offensive game and a guy with freak arms. Instead they pick a multi-talented six foot six shooting guard. I seem to recall that working out for them okay before.

3 - Charlotte Bobcats: Adam Morrison, SF, Gonzaga
Let me explain first: I don’t think that Michael Jordan has the final say on decisions here. Did he not hand pick Kwame Brown? Nuff said. Here’s why Morrison works: he excites the fans, even more so than locals Felton and Sean May “or may not eat his way out of the league by 2007,” his mustache is the only thing that can compete in out-of-placeness with Omeka Okafor’s biochemistry degree, and the 'Cats can stop giving burn to Kareem Rush and this chump.

4 - Portland Trailblazers: LaMarcus Aldridge, PF, Texas
Why? Because he doesn’t own a gun (or does he, he is from Texas) and because Joel Pryzbilla is too costly/white. Key note that Blazers fans will be regretting three years down the road: La is the feminine French form of “the”. I would tell you who they should draft, but honestly, at this point, it doesn’t even matter for them.

5 - Atlanta Hawks: Shelden Williams, PF, Duke
The man with the face only a roofied mother could love is destined to head to Atlanta as they have apparently made him a pre-draft promise. You can never rule out the Hawks drafting a swingman here, just as you can never rule out the Lions drafting a wide receiver. At least they’ve found someone to make Tyronn Lue feel pretty.

6 - Minnesota Timberwolves: Rudy Gay, SF, Connecticut
As in U Con the Timberwolves into giving you guaranteed money. After the announcement that Rashard McCants might be lost for the season, the Wolves realize they need someone to replace his petulance and they’ve come to the right place. I can see Gay and Ricky Davis having some never-seen-before two man dunks but this first season is going to be painful.

7 - Boston Celtics: Randy Foye, SG, Villanova
No, I don’t want them to take him, and yes, I do have a lot of faith in Danny Ainge, but shit, this draft is an absolute mess. I think Foye could be like the 4th oldest Celtic the moment he joins the team. I wouldn’t mind if the Celtics traded down, and somehow used this pick to lance the boil that is Raef The Frentz’s contract. Also, at 6’3”, we’re going to have to remove the “S” before that G and replace it with a “P”, a rather painful surgery for most players.

8 - Houston Rockets: Tyrus Thomas, PF, LSU
My big dropper of the draft, I just can’t see how potential and two games gets you into the top five. The Rockets will be happy to snatch him in this spot because it allows them to have a before and after picture when Thomas stands next to Stromile Swift. Notice the alliteration of the names - they must be the same type of player. Thomas might actually be a nice compliment to Yao, at least on the defensive end, but don’t expect much offensively from this 19-year-old for a while.

9 - Golden State Warriors: Cedric Simmons, PF, North Carolina State
The Warriors decide to draft a guy who might land in the second round, who even knows? He will add some athleticism and shot blocking ability that the team has lacked since they lost Adonal Foyle and Troy Murphy started playing significant minutes. What’s that you say? They still have Adonal Foyle? Haha, right, you had me there for a second.

10 - Seattle Supersonics: Patrick O’Bryant, C, Ireland, err Bradley
They love the big white stiffs: Robert Swift, Johan Petro, Jerome James. O’Bryant will provide some of the inside thump they lost when taint-assaulter Reggie Evans left. You have no clue how much money I would lose if you handed me a map and told me to locate what state Bradley was in.