The Morning Wood - 06/12/2006

WARNING: This Morning Wood has a World Cup flava. Quit being an ugly American.

Stud: Arjen Robben.
Not only did the Dutch winger score the lone goal in the Netherlands' 1-0 win over Serbia & Montenegro, he spent the entire game skinning fools left and right. Plus, he was probably stoned. I don't care if you like soccer or not, watching this man cut in and out of defenders w/the ball looking like it was attached to his foot w/a string was sick. Granted, he was playing the fellow countrymen of this stud. Actually, let's elaborate on this: say D.Mili represents the entire country of Serb and Mont; Arjen Robben will be played by Channing Frye. This is what happened in their matchup (sidenote: Not to knock on Darko, but Channing Frye is softer than my wang after watching an LPGA event. If the Pistons have DWade/Bosh/Anthony/Hinrich coming off the bench, they win 5 titles in a row).

Dud: Antonio Tarver.
After months of shit-talking, calling himself "The Legend Killer," and even making a $250k sidebet w/his opponent he would win...by knockout...before the 6th round, he gets smoked by a 41-year-old Bernard Hopkins - who had to move up a weight class for the fight. No word on whether or not Tarver reliquished his actual crown.

Talk Around the Cooler:
I keep hearing about how Cote d'Ivoire (which is French for Coat of Ivoire), a country that has dealt w/years of civil war and internal conflict, has suddenly found peace b/c the feuding sides have agreed to call a bit of a detante while their country competes in the World Cup. The general opinion about this development is that soccer is the great unifier, and that the sport is truly brings love around the world. Announcers can't stop talking about this. My question: how come no one is talking about how freaking arbitrary the conflict must be for the enemies to temporarily quit fighting to watch some dudes kick a ball around? This war is clearly bullshit, and I hope that someone will start talking about that - along w/potential solutions - instead of bobbing on soccer's knob. Holy shit, I just got too serious on some social/political issues. I promise that will never happen again. Here, laugh at these funny euros and their homoerotic basketball sextrain. Crazy euros.

Quick Hits...
Rafael Nadal beat Roger Federer for the French Open title. I just want to get this out there, b/c somebody has to say it: I swear I'm straight, but I can't take my eyes off his guns. The Mavs took it to the Heat, yet again. Talk about O'Neal's 5 and 6, but the big problem is that Antoine Walker is playing 43 minutes and guarding Dirk here and there. They keep that up and it's 4 and out. Asafa Powell tied his 100m dash world record. Sprinters' egos are some of the most fascinating things in all of sports. Unfortunately, Carl Lewis is no longer allowed to show his face in public.