The Morning Wood - 06/07/2006

Stud: Nomar Garciaparra. My man went deep off of his old running mate Pedro Martinez in an 8-5 Dodgers' victory. He's quietly hitting .363, has 40 rbis, is playing a stellar first base and gets to see this face of satisfaction every night.

Dud: Venus Williams. Lost 6-7, 6-1, 6-3 to some bionic 17-year-old Czech. I'm alright w/a quarterfinal loss, but 70 unforced errors? I think it's about time to hang it up. On the bright side, at least she doesn't have to play this dude. Someone get Tino Martinez on the line and let him know that we've found his forearms. Yeowza.

Talk Around the Cooler... I know the NHL has been catching a lot of shit, but I hought it deserves mentioning that Saturday's Jersey/Carolina Stanley Cup Playoff game drew a 1.1 rating...which was beat out by taped coverage of the NCAA women's gymnastics championships. When your "major sport" is being beaten out by breastless women who could beat most men up tumbling around on a mat, things aren't lookin' so hot. Eh?

Quick Hits... Don't you just love Paris in the winter...er...summertime? Top pick in the baseball draft, Luke Hochevar, was drafted 40th last year by the Dodgers, yet refused to sign b/c they "felt [he] was not worthy to be paid w/the top pitchers from last year's draft." Now he's got Scott Boras as his agent. I think I speak for everyone when I wish him nothing but the worst. Some dude named Evan Longoria was taken in the first round by the Devil Rays, meaning, if he makes it to the bigs, look out for some terrible, terrible jokes. Luckily, the only people who should hear them are the 19 who pay attention to Tampa Bay.