The Morning Wood - 06/02/2006

Stud(s) :
Katharine Close: No way the top spot goes to that crazy German when this broad brings home the Natty Spelling Bee. She won on "ursprache," which means "person whose parents have locked them in a small room w/a dictionary for the last decade." Heyo KC, how you spell "uuuuuugh. nuhnah nuhnah!" She's the first fembot to take this thing in seven years. Unfortunately, in another seven, she's going to have to learn to spell "glass ceiling."

Dirk Nowitzki: It's almost too easy, but we've got to give dze big German some love for that performance last night. Maybe more impressive than the half-century he threw up there is the efficiency with which he did it: a German staple (along w/their scheizer films). Two years ago, no way he gets to the line 18 times in a big game.

Dud:
Kyle Farnsworth: This dufus filled in for an aching Mariano Rivera, who hurt himself putting on his shoes, and gave up 2 runs in the ninth to blow the save against the red-hot Tigers. And yes, that's "red-hot Tigers." A few more wins and I'm going to require the team to switch to glasses and a moustache like this sexpot.

Talk Around the Cooler...
Simon Noble, CEO of PinnacleSports.com, has signed his one way ticket to Hades. Apparently his offshore betting outfit took in roughly $70,000 worth of gambling money that was wagered on the Spelling Bee. This man clearly has no S-O-U-L.

The big news here: Jake Plummer drives a Honda Element. I wonder how many fingers were involved in that apologetic wave.

Pistons have their backs against the wall tonight. I like Chauncey to go for 30 in a win.

Quick Hits...
Looks like they've got to cancel that summer tryout at SingSing.

Think that two-headed monster of Stern and Jackson would have had the balls to give six games if it had been anyone other than a young man w/this trifecta of career averages: 1.5, 1.1, 0.0?

The thing Jay Williams likes about Toronto is the "winning atmosphere," a tone that is set by one man: Matt. Bonner. bitches