The Morning Wood - 06/05/06

Stud: Alfonso Soriano. Now you say, 6 other guys had multi-homer games yesterday. True, but this man has at least 1 homerun the past 9 series and each homerun has been so beautiful it's caused Frank Robinson to cry. Now that's something. (Someone might be losing a bet sometime soon)

Dud: Maria Sharapova. Dinara Safina came back from a 5-1 deficit in the final set, won 18 of the last 21 points and beat Sharapova 7-5, 2-6, 7-5 on Sunday at the French Open. I'm assuming Sharapova felt threatened by Gael Monfils' presence in the area.

Talk Around the Cooler... Albert Pujols went on the 15-day DL. Tell me this guy isn't ecstactic (and gay) to hear that news. Now, all your fantasy teams will suffer.

Mavs vs. the Heat in the NBA Finals. Fortunately we don't have to suffer another mind-numbingly boring Finals like last year. But unfortunately, we received word late last night that Tim Thomas is no longer allowed to go back to his neighborhood after getting punked by Dirk. Tough life.

Watch the intelligent athletes that ruined their already unpopular sport even more compete for the Stanley Cup. Game 1 is tonight. Nobody cares, not even Barry Melrose.

Quick Hits... The Marlins not only like fires-sales, they also like celebrating the concept of Jew impostors. Someone please get Dontrelle out of there. At this rate I assume they'll be giving out a bobblehead doll featuring Miguel Cabrera eating collard greens to celebrate Black Heritage Month. Either English soccer fans are more passionate than we could ever be or just plain stupid. I prefer the latter explanation. Can you even participate in healing Rooney's foot without thinking it's a sexual act? Or is it just me...tell me it's not just me.