The Morning Wood - 01/18/2006

Stud: Phoenix Suns11 straight wins, en route to a 30-8 record. That means the Suns are pretty good. Nash is pretty good. He went for 21 points and 14 assists.

Dud: Boston College B-Ball players Akida McLain and Sean WilliamsBoston College is a dud on it's own, to be honest. Both players were dismissed from the team yesterday due to a violation of team rules. I don't really care about this story. But I do care about Al Skinner's mouth. I don't know what the fuck is going on with it, but I'm pretty certain his mouth alone could be a character on Mortal Kombat.

Talk Around The Cooler:So Marty Schottenheimer is coaching the Chargers in 2007. Chargers fans, I'm really sorry about that. Congrats on your impending amazing regular season. And my condolences to you and yours for your impending Divisional Round loss to the [Insert Inferior AFC team].

First it was Michael Vick - Ron Mexico. Now it's Michael Vick - Purple Haze. If his inability to think on the playing field, a place where you think he'd feel most comfortable, didn't tip you off to his inability to use his brain - how bout the fact that he was adamant about not throwing away his bottle of weed at a security checkpoint. This must have been some seriously once in a lifetime greenery. Once in a lifetime shit: a team game-planning to stop Vick's passing, Marcus Vick doing anything remotely normal, Aaron Brooks (the Vicks' cousin) looking like an NFL QB without humongous lips. Get the chapstick, bitches! This family has issues people!

This deserves to be in a place of it's own. I'm not particularly a fan of Tom Brady, but if there's anything that could convert me, it'd be this magnanimous tribute. If you don't know what magnanimous means, go look it up, dumbass. And commend me on my flawless use of it- idiots. Wouldn't you want to be in Gisele Bundchen's shoes right now? I mean seriously, imagine being in her stiletto's right now. I'd be like 3 inches taller and wearing some really expensive shit. And for me, that'd be an accomplishment. And I'd still be unbelievable comfortable with my sexuality.

Quick Hits:

Larry Bird traded for two white guys - the country bumpkins in Indiana are beyond elated. If you didn't know it by now, you should - the NFL is scripted. Just can't get enough of vagina.