The Morning Wood - 12/27/2006

Stud: Jeff Garcia
Sure, the numbers aren’t that great from Sunday: 15/23 for 238 yards with a TD and a pick. But Garcia has now led the Eagles to four straight victories and one win away from the NFC East title while T.O. continues to whine about a lack of touches in Dallas. Who’s gay now T.O.? This just in: Brian Dawkins looks like Wayne Brady.

Dud: Arizona Diamondbacks
The only thing in Arizona that should have an interest in Randy Johnson for anything is a retirement community. Are you aware that he’s 43 years old? That he doesn’t have a back any longer? That he had an ERA of 5 last year? If the Yankees are willing to pay half his salary and expect nothing in return, then do the deal but don’t start trading prospects for the Big Eunich. You can’t replace the likes of Russ Ortiz so quickly!

Talk Around the Cooler...
It seems that every year we slip a little bit deeper into a disgruntled world of sports hell, driven there by players that are empowered by GMs and owners to get away with anything they want. I understand that you want to harness the potential of these stars but sometimes all the talent in the world doesn’t translate into more success when you’re dealing with major A-holes. T.O. is driving Bill Parcells insane in Dallas, Ron Artest went from being the long lost Maloof brother to refusing to play for Sacramento; the list could go on and on. There is a difference between these idiots and the Allen Iverson situation in Philly: A.I. did request a trade but he never dogged it on the court or bad mouth the franchise to the press. That’s why he will succeed in Denver: it wasn’t A.I. that was the problem in Philadelphia, it was that the team sucked. I know it is tough for GMs to make the right call on some of these players but here’s some advice for you: once an asshole, always an asshole.

Quick Hits:
I can’t wait until Shaq says Phil has cooties. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww! Pussies. Hufnageled! Yeah, he should really be blamed for calling plays under the assumption that the QB is NFL-quality. Jason Kidd was so upset he wasn’t even in the mood to beat his wife. That award wins Biggest Oxymoron of the Year.