The Morning Wood - 12/08/2006

Stud: That Suns/Nets game
Isn’t Steve Nash perfect for a high scoring game? He is a high percentage shooter, an amazing passer, and he doesn’t play a lick of defense. It’s the best. Anyway, the Suns outscored the Nets after two OTs 161-157. This is all the more impressive because the game featured these two, who could kill backboards and rims just by up-faking. Nash (42 pts and 13 assists) and Jason Kidd (38 pts, 14 assists, 14 boards) were the two standouts. And just because it feels relevant, Stephon Marbury is awful. The last time I scored this much unopposed scoring, I was being recruited to play football for the University of Colorado. Someone check the expiration date on that joke: it smells a little off.

Dud: Bun in the Oven Leslie
I don’t know why but this offends me as a sports fan (even though, as we all know, the WNBA barely qualifies as a “sport”). Maybe I’m misogynistic (maybe?), but I just can’t really adjust to the concept of losing a player due to pregnancy. Injuries yes, drugs sure, but Leslie is on the IR with “zygotitis”? Swollen uterus? I’m sorry, I just can’t take a league seriously that can lose players to birthing. Aside from that, I hope the pregnancy and birth go well for Lisa. The baby should be good looking, especially if you actually believe the people who say that Leslie has “model looks” rather than the people who say she has a “Barbaro facial structure”.

Talk Around the Cooler:
I liked Barry Bonds’ appearance at the winter meetings, especially since he was smiling. His teeth are actually the only white thing that he doesn’t accuse of being racist on a daily basis. Did his appearance have anything to do with the Giants moving quickly to sign him to a one year, sixteen million dollar deal? I’m not so sure. Even though there was talks of a mystery team (there’s an agent with the last name Borris too?) out there looking for Barry’s services (which apparently was the Cardinals, who would have been a nice fit for Barry (especially with the blinders they usually toss on in regards to performance drug usage, AHEM)), it seemed like the Giants were the only team for him. It reminds me of the Seinfeld episode (you know, the one where Kramer was probably thinking the N-word throughout the entire thing) at Putty’s car dealer when Seinfeld says to Elaine and Putty that “clearly no one else can stand you”. And that’s the way it is with Barry and the Giants. No other team would be as willing to ignore and even accommodate Barry’s petulance as San Fran is. But with this contract, they’ve bought themselves one of the most awkward scenarios: how to celebrate Barry’s 756th homerun if MLB isn’t going to endorse it. Frankly, I can’t wait. This could reach “The Office” levels of awkwardness with Barry, his son, his wife, and his mistress circling the field holding sparklers while people half applaud. Exciting!

Quick Hits...
Wait, a Notre Dame team is able to beat a ranked team? Is this like the “and-1” for overweight GMs? Congratulations to Willie Parker for setting the Steelers’ franchise record for rushing yards although I feel like I should at least get some type of credit as there is no way that he would have accomplished it if he hadn’t been on the team I’m facing in the first round of my fantasy playoffs. Since when are punters so tough? With Jake Delhomme’s status in jeopardy for this Sunday, Chris Weinke could start for Carolina. Or die of natural causes.