Giddy's Tuesday Morning Rant

I’m pissed. Why? I don’t know – I was fucking born that way. Deal with it. A couple things I’d like to get off my chest.

Scott Skiles/Ben Wallace – The Bulls are 4-8 and you two dumbasses are bitching about fucking headbands and taping ankles? Give me a break. And for all you fucks immediately anointing the Bulls as stalwarts in the Eastern Conference – I do hope you realize that teams like the Bulls and Pistons won championships because they had a consistent offensive presence around Wallace and Rodman. Deng, Hinrich, PJ Brown and Gordon. That’s some serious offensive punch, isn’t it? Supposedly defense wins championships, but you need to score points too. Eighteenth in the league in scoring is not going to cut it.

Mike Vanderjagt – No, I’m not pissed the Cowboys cut him. It’s the 2.5 million dollar bonus this motherfucker gets to keep that annoys me. If there were a chance to see Albert Haynesworth repeatedly use Vanderjagt’s dome to try to kick field goals, I’d love to see it.

Atlanta Wide Receivers – Yeah, Mike Vick is at times inaccurate (understatement), but for years I was under the impression that receivers were supposed to catch the ball and not drop it (see: Rae Carruth, FredEx). Not all the blame can fall on Vick when you have receivers that can’t get open and are confused about their role on offense. Somebody please let Roddy White, Michael Jenkins, Ashley Lelie, et al know that they aren’t cornerbacks who need to defend passes thrown their way. I can assure you this stress is not good for Michael Vick’s herpes!

ESPN – Whores. Please stop relentlessly fellating the following: Tom Brady, Brett Favre, Ray Lewis, Tony Romo, Bill Belichick. More names to be added later.

Delusional Fans – Fans of these teams get a nice “fuck you” from me. Why? Because they're in denial about the mediocrity of their football teams, have ridiculous gripes about how their team deserves [Insert praise, ranking, etc] and constantly make excuses about why their team should be where they aren't while ignoring the reality of their team's situation (run-on sentence). Notre Dame, Florida, Louisville, Rutgers, Boise State. I'd throw West Virginia on this list but they were gracious enough to lose to South Florida Enjoy the bowl season to prevent us waisting time on the merits of their season.

Scott Boras' Parents - Can't believe two loving people came together to create such an unfortunate scar on humanity. Honorable mention goes to the parents of: Tim McCarver