The Morning Wood - 11/30/2006

Stud: Rex Grossman
I love everything about this article. Rex Grossman be clownin', son! I'm kind of glad to know that Rex got a little fired up and gave the DBs a taste of their own medicine. I think Darren Sharper articulates Grossman's celebratory tactics best: "He was kind of beating his chest, talking trash, this and that. 'You guys are this!' Whatever, Whatever. Some curse words, stuff like that." Move over Shakespeare. You guys are this? That shit is col'-blooded. Since when are DBs incapable of taking an earful without getting all huffy-puffy? That's right, I said huffy-puffy. And if the Vikings are trying to get in Grossman's head, they're going to have to make a reservation, b/c Rex has booked that room for himself for the last six weeks, and appears to be staying indefinitely. He likes the complimentary continental breakfast, and is especially partial to the apple turnovers. Get it? Turnovers???!! Zing! So go'head, Rex. Get ya talk on.

Dud: Albert Pujols
Cheeeell, son. The Cardinal star sounded off to the Spanish media yesterday, saying that "someone who doesn't take his team to the playoffs doesn't deserve the MVP." Que ridiculo! I always looked at Pujols as one of the good guys in professional baseball, but this has soured my opinion. Those seem like pretty straightforward, whiny, sore-loser words, and this is coming from a guy who just won the World Series. Who cares about the MVP? He should get back to enjoying his championship with his teammates. Plus, if he's in the Dominican Republic, who's watching David Eckstein at Chuck E. Cheese? It sure as shit better not be Jeff Weaver. Prioritize, Albert.

Talk Around the Cooler:
Art Shell is losing it, but I can't really blame him. I'm always up for a good conspiracy theory, and this one even has Shell using terms like "character assassination." He's been trolling that sideline for too long with that Xanax OD look on his face, and getting this out in the open has to be good for both his soul and whatever is taking up the space where Al Davis's soul used to be.

Michael Strahan got a bit testy with a reporter who was asking him about earlier comments he made criticizing the best half-route runner in the league, Plaxico Burress. Strahan wanted to see the reporter when he asked him a question, b/c of course you "look a man in the eye before you try to kill him or make something up." What? It's really amazing when the Giants' locker room can make Jeremy Shockey look like a sane, soft-spoken member of the team. This should end well.

Quick Hits...
UNC took down a Greg Oden-less Ohio State in a very good college basketball game last night. The way these announcers are talking about Oden, I'm going to be disappointed if he averages anything less then 40/30/15 while playing blindfolded. Turns out that it was just a mild case of the overrateds. In a related story, Ricky Manning Jr. has called out the entire University of Miami football team for being "geeks." Ah, only in the NFL can a convicted steroid user be embraced. 14 games into the season and the Celtics have already taken 3 years off my life.