The Morning Wood - 12/07/2006

Stud: Mike Piazza
The Oakland Athletics signed the 38-year-old "catcher" (possibly a triple-entendre) to a one-year, $8.5 million contract yesterday. According to everyone's favorite saberdork, Billy Beane, Piazza will be DHing 99.9% of the time, which, given their 162 game schedule, should mean that he'll never get behind the plate. He takes over for Frank Thomas, who recently threw a pair of Wranglers on, a Levi's jacket, grew some facial hair and signed w/Toronto. While Mike might not be able to duplicate The Big Hurt's 39/114, look for him to improve on his 22/68 now that he won't have to worry about not throwing baserunners out. Oakland is exactly the kind of place that embodies Piazza's laid back, free-wheelin', switch-hitting attitude, so expect to see a reincarnation of the ladykiller of old.

Dud: The Kansas City Royals
Screw parity. In their neverending quest to tighten their stranglehold on the league's worst franchise, the Royals traded away the live-armed, 22-year-old Ambiorix Burgos to the Mets for SP Brian Bannister, who's coming off a season-ending injury. Should work out well. It does not stop there, however. They're reportedly thinking about tossing Gil Meche a 4-year, $45 million contract. That's Gil Meche at 11 per. Gil Meche of the 4.65 career ERA. This boggles my mind. I'm not sure I'd give him $11 mil over the entire 4-year deal. Mark Grudzielanek is your top position player, and you're tossing $11 mil to Gil Meche? Gil Meche! I can't stop saying his name. How much is Barry Zito going to make a year? What's wrong with everyone?

Talk Around the Cooler:
Why push buttons? Why serve Skip Bayless another 2500 words on a silver platter? I try to give him the benefit of the doubt and take all the T.O.-bashing with a grain of salt, but sometimes it's tough not to think that this guy is a complete loon. He appears to enjoy success on the field, but off it, he seems to have a serious masochistic streak.

Quick Hits...
If the Packers have any sense, they'll send Favre to this guy for the operation. Larry Bird is 50 today, which makes me feel insanely old. Who's ready for the Scalabrine era? Speaking of eras, what defines one these days? Have they found the only way they could reduce interest in this game?