The Morning Wood - 09/14/2006

Stud: Darren Clarke
This is another one of those “sports aren’t life” moments as Clarke makes his first appearance after his wife’s death. I put him down as a stud because I am rooting for him to get some sort of solace or peace of mind through golf. Best of luck to him, even in the Ryder Cup.

Dud: Armando Benitez
You fat bastard. Benitez is done for the season due to inflammation in his right knee. Since the Giants signed this pile of lard pudding, he has given them 68.1 innings in two years and several DL stints. I know bad knees are tough to get rid of but HEY, don’t you think that part of this might be due to the 270 you’re carrying around all the time. Try the Salad!

Talk Around the Cooler:
So I can tell fall is coming because I now see everyone on espn.com discussing the meaning of “valuable”. I’ve even seen definitions even: valuable: of great use or service. And every year reporters and analysts get whipped in to a fever about who should be the MVP and what “value” means to a team. Is Derek Jeter more valuable than David Ortiz because the Yankees are running away with the East? Is Ryan Howard more valuable than Ortiz because his team is in a playoff race, even though the Phillies don’t have as good a record as the Red Sox? Is Albert Pujols more valuable because no one else can hit on his team? It’s enough to chafe the nips with chest beating. I will say this: as out of it as the Red Sox are right now, I’m not sure they would be within five games of the Blue Jays right now without David Ortiz. But, couple the lack of team playoff contention and the fact that he doesn’t play in the field, and Ortiz will miss out once again. Jermaine Dye and Justin Morneau are fine candidates this year but I think Ortiz is being dragged down by a shitshow of rookie pitchers and DL stints. Please MLB, create a MOP award for most Outstanding player and just ignore the team records.

Quick Hits...
The police plan on pursuing a DUI charge against Steve Foley after his incident on September 3rd. Is anyone interested in seeing his BLC (Blood Lead content) at the end of the night? Karl Malone stands accused of offering an illegal bribe to a hunting buddy to take the blame for an illegal elk hunting trip. Karl Malone, even your crimes are white, you honky!! The Patriots are seeking $730K from Deion Branch for fines from this offseason and a portion of his original 2002 bonus. Uh oh, how’s he going to pay for that? STRAIGHT CASH HOMEY!! You want a real scary ass movie: The Snake on a Two Minute Drill. Yikes!