The Morning Wood - 09/13/2006

Sorry about the lack of wood yesterday. Sometimes, it's just not there in the morning.

Stud: Bobby Abreu
This guy has been on fiiiyyyaaah since coming to the Jankees many moons ago, and last night, during Hideki Matsui return to the squad, BAbs tallied 6 rbis in the first inning - which is second all-time, right next to Fernando Tatis, who, until I actually see him in person and touch him to make sure he's real, I'm refusing to believe is back in the league. Six in one inning puts him in elite company with Matt Stairs, Carlos Quintana, and Matt Williams. Abreu finished w/7 rbis, while Matsui went 4-4, which basically tells me that they waited too long to get him back after this injury. Seriously, they could have used him earlier to put a little distance between themselves and the Sox. Fuck.

Dud: Mitch Cozad
The backup punter for the University of Northern Colorado was arrested yesterday for stabbing his rival and starting punter Rafael Mendoza in the kicking leg in an attempt to win the job. I really don't even know what to say about this. I can only assume that he went TonyaHarding on him b/c he was jealous of all the startingpunterattheUniversityofNorthernColoradopoozle he was getting on a bi-monthly basis.

Talk Around the Cooler:
So disgrunted Raiders receiver Jerry Porter, who was reportedly laughing and pumping his fist after Aaron Brooks was sacked for the 7th time Monday night, has said that that's not the case b/c "[he] wasn't even paying attention to the game." Awesome. I think that's the only way he could have made the situation worse. He's like a mini-T.O., only with fewer pregame shows dedicated to all aspects of his existance. Man, football is the ultimate team game.

The United States Men's Soccer team dropped to 29th in the world yesterday. Before the Cup, they were up there in the top ten, and now we're behind the likes of Guinea (Guinea??!!!), Egypt, Turkey, and Cote d'Ivoire. When asked about the sudden dip, recently retired captain Brian McBride said, "Has anyone seen my Jimmy Choo slingbacks?"

Quick Hits...
Deion Branch signed a six-year, $39 million contract with the Seahawks, with $13 million in guaranteed money, which is a huge "fuckyou" to the Patriots, and I'm pleased about it. He did the right thing for himself and his family. Some goalie signed a 15-year deal with the NY Islanders. 99.34% of the United States couldn't give a shit. Ben Roethlisberger wants to play on Monday night, and frankly, I think the organization should trust his decision-making skills. Brett Favre sucks. That's all.