The Morning Wood 10/19/2006

Stud: John "Remember the" Maine
Well, somebody stepped up for the Mets last night (okay, Jose Reyes did too but I really feel like tossing him a Stud nod would just encourage kids to do shots of poprocks and Red Bull before playing their little league games). Here would be a fun TV show: Have Carlos Beltran and John Maine sit next to each other and contestants have to guess if Beltran said "Maine" or "mayn" to his teammate. Howie Mayndel could host. There would also be an abundance of soulless models...and Emeril in the corner working on the french fries. Bam!

Dud: Billy Vogner
So we are headed to game 7 of the NLCS tonight. Let's just say it's a tight game, maybe the Mets are up one after Endy Chavez is able to score from first due to the 7 crowhops and three cut offs necessary for David Eckstein to reach Pujols on a groundball, Willie Randolph has visions of Sham-pawn-ya dancing in his head, he looks down to the bullpen, and holy shit, Billy Wagner is pinned under a bloated ERA of nearly 17. I mean, I haven't seen a whip this fat since this guy tossed 18's on a pinto. God, I hate that show. Anyway, Billy the Adult needs to step up his game or else it might be up to BradChadford, ChadFadBored, BardFatChored...and nobody wants that.
Talk Around the Cooler:
I would just like to say that I don’t think it matters who wins that NLCS tonight because the Tigers are going to plow through them. They have such an abundance of live young arms (with two noticeable exceptions: FranKennystein and Todd Jones, who?, Todd Jones (who sucks by the way)) that they have the ability to shut down either of the NL lineups. And there lineup seems to contain a never ending assembly line (unlike Ford) of dudes that hit .260 but hit 25 homeruns. This is big because people that hit .260 aren’t ashamed to bunt a guy over, hit to the right side with a guy on second, ground out or fly out to drive a guy in. I mean shit, they’re only hitting .260, how could you have an ego? The only real concerns I have about the team are some trained assassin/hair stylist sneaking into Magglio Sampson Ordonez’s house and leaving him with a high fade, Pudge Rodriguez and his Olson twin frame getting drunk off of one beer at the post game celebration and trying to kiss Bud Selig, and the possible death of any player who manages to put out one of Jim Leyland’s Pall Mall’s with any sort of liquid. I still say Tigers in five.

Quick Hits...
The person who revealed the amount of corruption involved in the Salt Lake City bidding process has passed away. Just for my sake, could we stop calling him a "whistleblower"? Seems like a negative connotation. Now I can die in peace! MLB, proving that there are few limits to their greed, now offer the chance to have official team logos on urns and caskets!!! Unfortunately they are offering both the Cubs and the Red Sox logos, so Matt Clement's family is conflicted as to what team he would have wanted on his casket. Not dead you say? Riiiight. The Chinese girls' gymnastic team beat the poo out of the US team at some championship thing. Apparently this was an upset. Bela Karolyi was so upset, he was unable to sleep with even one 14 year old girl that night. Too much?