The Morning Wood - 10/04/2006

Stud: Frank Thomas
In ya Herschel-Walkeresque face Kenny Williams!! The Big Hurt took his pain out on the Twinkies, hitting two home runs to lead the A's to a game one victory. I can't wait until someone writes a book about Billy Beane signing Thomas called "How I won the AL west while paying a former MVP only $500,000 after he was driven out of Chicago-Ball"

Dud: Mets starting pitching
Pardon me, I have to type this quickly, I have to get down to Shea to loosen up to possibly start game 1. El Duque, who is so old that his made up age of 40 is actually still ancient, injured his calf when doing laps with his walker yesterday and could be scratched from his scheduled start today. Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? Amputate The Duque's leg, tie Pedro's old buddy Nelson de la Rosa to his thigh, and he still goes out and throws 7 innings of 2 run ball? You weren't thinking of that? Oh. Well, on to the next segment.

Talk Around The Cooler:
Fuck the Cooler! Ignore your Coworkers, especially when they want to tell you that the A's "solved Johan Santana", the Cards are World Series bound, and that Derek Jeter is the new Mr. October because he had five hits against the Tigers 4th or 5th best starter. Although please mention that Mike Stanley, scrub catcher, also had five hits in a playoff game for the Red Sox in 1999 and no one is trying to suck him off.

Quick Hits:
Ravens return specialist BJ Sams (his first and last name are in constant battle to corner the bulk shopping market) was charged with DUI for the second time in shortly over a year. He faces a stiff penalty from the NFL, which takes DUI very seriously, unlike murdering a person, which they seem to shrug off. Brett Favre will return to practice on Wednesday after suffering head and shoulder injuries in Monday’s game against the Eagles that knocked him out of the game. Ever resilient, Favre said that if he had needed to, he could have been back throwing interceptions and one-hoppers to his teammates yesterday. Clint Dempsey was name the U.S. soccer player of the year, which also should put him in the top 400 players in the world.