The Morning Wood - 09/27/2006

We've been slackin on our pimpin over here at sportsuntertainment, but I promise that we'll make a half-ass'd effort to pick things up. On to the news...

Stud: Grady Brewer
This 35-year-old journeyman fighter who works 12-hour days at a tire factory won The Contender finale last night, which gave him a cool half-mil and a new truck, which he said he's going to give to ma and pa. What a guy. He beat Steve Forbes, who was actually a one-time world champion at 130 lbs. Stevie moved up to 149 to compete in the tourney, but my question is what the hell is a world champ doing in a tournament designed for the underdogs of the boxing world? It's like letting this guy compete in American Idol. God, I love J.T. You too? Yeah? Sorry. Either way, the final bout was very entertaining, and it was good to watch this Cinderella story unfold.

Dud: Dennis Green
This dufus is going back on his decision to start Matt Leinart in lieu of Kurt Warner for their week 4 matchup against the Falcons. Why? Did Warner's wife and her gang of lesbian street-toughs threaten Green's life? Does Dennis like the fact that Warner's got the kind of haircut you could eat dinner off of? Or did Kurt summon his best friend, The Almighty, to change DG's mind? Who knows. Either way, it's an awful decision. Looks like Leinart will have to go back to his normal weekly activity of schtuping everything that moves.

Talk Around the Cooler:
Apparently Terrell Owens took 35 pain-killers in what looks to be an attempted suicide last night. Fortunately, it was unsuccessful. Tough to tell what would cause him to do such a thing, but here's to hoping that the somewhat enigmatic, always eccentric star gets his mind in a good place.

The Mavs locked up Dirk Nowitzki through 2011 yesterday. I'll make the somewhat bold prediction that they corral (get it, Mavericks, corral???) two titles from now until then. Something tells me that Dirk will soon find the extra motivation that he needs to put his team over the top.

Quick Hits...
Tim Salmon announced his retirement today, which is approximately four years after he started mailing it in. Jeff Fisher will try to one-up Denny Green's stupidity by sticking with Kerry "Tom" Collins this week. They really should have held on to Volek. Barry Bonds says he's going to play ball in 2007, which means he will probably break Hank Aaron's all-time homerun mark. This should set up the most awkward celebration since this.