The Morning Wood - 07/21/2006

Stud: John Gibbons
In the ongoing Gibbons/Hillenbrand saga, which has left all 17 baseball fans in Toronto holding their collective breath, it has come to light that manager John Gibbons challenged Shea to fisticuffs in the lockerroom after Mr. Hillenbrand chose to motivate the Jays by writing "the ship is sinking" on their clubhouse bulletin board. Shea did not accept, and Gibbons has said that either Shea needed to be traded, or he would quit as manager. I find all of this bizarre for several reasons. First off, "the ship is sinking" has a great cryptic vibe to it. Second, has Shea Hillenbrand ever made news in his life? Now he's dictating a manager's career moves? It would be like Pat Riley threatening to leave the team b/c of a spat w/Udonis Haslem. Gibbons, pick your battles wisely - there are bigger fish to fry. Those are the two idioms with which I will advise you.

Dud: Johnny Damon
In another skin-thickness issue, Damon got his seal-clubbing agent Scott Boras to threaten legal action against a woman selling baby clothes on eBay embroidered w/the phrase "Damon Sucks." Now, I love that dumb jock did for Boston, but come on, take a cue from your captain and suck it up when a less-than-flattering tshirt is sold. You're a public figure making millions - this is the cross that you must bear.

Talk Around the Cooler:
The Tour de France is almost over, I think some American is winning, or close to it, and I haven't heard or seen shit about it on the tele. It's amazing what one charismatic, possible cheater can do for a sport. Shouldn't there be at least a little national pride here in the States, and at the very least, some good ol'fashion French disdain towards our ugly American cyclist? I'm baffled. C'est la vie.

Quick Hits:
The Nuggets signed Nene to a long-term extension. Solid move tossing $60 mil to a guy who bases his game on explosive moves, yet blew out his knee last year. At least in the press conference he said he wants to emulate this Brokeback inspiration. To trump them in the odd signing department, the Suns tossed Marcus Banks a 5-year deal. Someone better give Matt Bonner the kind of money that he's due. Tiger is leading in Liverpool, and holed out some ridiculous eagle yesterday. While I don't like to see anyone dominate, golf's more exciting when he's consistently near the top of the leaderboard. Danica Patrick is close to signing a deal w/Indycar, and I don't give a shit.