The Morning Wood - 06/21/2006

Stud(s):
The Miami Heat: So much for them having no bench and being too unathletic to hang with the Mavs. Seems like Udonis, 'Toine and Mourning had a big impact on last night's game. Dwyane and crew reeled off 4 straight to win the franchise's 1st championship. Happy for Shaq, Pat Riley, Wade and my main man Alonzo. Not to take all the positives out of this situation, but when I look at a championship team's roster, there are always people who stick out that make me say, "he doesn't deserve a ring." Who might I be referring to? This guy , this guy and especially this guy (overpaid piece of shit). I'm not angry, just hating.

Ryan Howard: Hope you didn't think his night would go unnoticed. 3-4, 2HR's, 2R's, 1BB and 7RBI. This is what HGH should help you accomplish, David Segui.

Dud(s):
St. Louis Cardinals: Um guys...you wanna show up next time? The Cards lost 20-6. The 11-run, 12-hit 3rd inning probably wasn't good for team morale. Mark Mulder's line for the night 2.1 IP, 10H against, 9 ER. This guy could have put in a better effort.

David Stern's Hearing: Stern's arrogant smirk while the boo's cascaded down on him during the trophy presentation only proved he has a serious medical problem. This guy is not popular.

Black Mamba: Shaq 1 - Kobe 0. I'm sure Kobe's not happy about this. For his sake, I'm hoping he goes to Colorado to get some much-needed therapy from the amazing staff at his old "stomping grounds" to release some of that pent up frustration.

Talk Around The Cooler:
Coach K has decided to kind of speak out about the Duke lacrosse team. What does he say about it? "I'm not going to choose sides. Besides, why choose sides when all that really matters is making purchases with your American Express card?"

John Smoltz says he's "open" to being traded if it helps the Braves. Sports would be so much better if players didn't get all this publicity training and just spoke their mind. His thoughts translated really mean, "this team sucks and I'm FUCKING BALD, man! Fucking Rogaine isn't cutting it. And Bobby Cox smells like Gerber's baby food...I can't stomach it. Andruw speaks to me in some weird dialect. Chipper has all his illegitimate children in the clubhouse. I can't do it anymore."


Quick Hits:
There's nothing better than when an athlete that hasn't won anything comes out of retirement to win zero more titles. The more stories I read about minor league baseball, the more I'm convinced it encompasses all that's right in the world. I'm sure at some point next season, David Stern will start to fine Mark Cuban for each game the Mavericks lose.