NBA Preview: Chicago Bulls

Now Anderson, you're sure you don't feel that lump?

Changes:
Jim/Jon Paxson made a few key moves in the off-season to strengthen what was already the NBA's most intimidating defense, the most notable of which was signing Big Ben Wallace. The Frightening One should be a significant upgrade from oh ye of unrealized potential, Tyson Chandler. They also picked up P.J. Brown, who, after looking at his career numbers, must take some sort of anti-aging, mediocrity-sustaining pill. I really like both of their draft selections: Tyrus Thomas and Thabo Sefolosha. Thomas is going to give them 20 stat-filled, high-energy minutes a night, whereas the Swiss-born Sefolosha should give them 15 precisely-timed, chocolate-filled, highly-neutral minutes a game. Both are long and athletic, whatever that means, and should fit right into the Bulls' scheme.

Style of Play:
I'd say it's very akin to the Chicago Bears gameplan: play insanely good, smash-mouth defense that you depend on to produce most of your offense. Brian Urlacher? Ben Wallace. Rex Grossman? Kirk Hinrich. Thomas Jones? Ben Gordon. Some fat offensive lineman? Mike Sweetney. Eurotrash placekicker? Viktor Khryapa. Alright, that's enough. Analysts have been skeptical of how far the Bulls can go without a pure scorer, but I think that will turn out to be one of the strengths on the team. Gordon, Hinrich, Deng, and Nocioni are all capable of going for 20 on any given night, and no one has a big enough head to get upset if they don't get 15 shots in a certain game. They've got some great roll players in Brown, Chris Duhon and Adrian Griffin. Scott Skiles knows what he's doing, and should develop a solid very effective rotation with the deepest bench in the league.

Impact Player:
I drive real fast, call me Ben Gor-Donnn! The emotionless-faced killer is one of the few guys in the league that can seem to get his shot off how he wants, whenever he wants. People (re: assholes) have been saying that this team doesn't have someone that they can depend on late in close games, but Gordon is probably one of the 10 most clutch guys in the league, and his game is insanely fun to watch. Plus, he was born in London, which is cool. And he's got his own Nike shoe. I'm going to stop, as I think I'm developing some sort of mancrush on him.

Player you would most like to get arrested with and where:
I'd like to do anything with Ben Wallace, mainly because it would give me free-reign to talk shit to whoever I chose. Our arrest would most likely be a direct result of that aforementioned quality, with me starting some sort of brawl just to see Ben clonk two guys' heads together, like Andre the Giant in The Princess Bride. What, you don't remember that? Piss off.

Prediction:
I'll get crazy here. Watch me. I like the Bulls for a solid 57-25, and a trip to the NBA Finals. Yeah, that's right. They're pretty much everything that MJ's Bulls weren't, but they have the talent and chemistry to get there.