NBA Preview: Portland Trailblazers

"This muthafugga made me late for practice again"

Changes:
The Blazers are a lost team at this point but the future might be okay. They still have Darius Miles and Zach Randolph shooting and distributing consistently. Their on court game is unfortunately not as consistent. The Blazers lost Steve Blake, Theo Ratliff and Sebastian Telfair in the off season, and fortunately they traded Telfair before the whole stolen necklacescapade because that might have really hurt their image. Who came in? A mixed bag to say the least. The Blazers did some draft day shuffling, landing LaMarcus Aldridge and Brandon Roy, as well as receiving the unambiguously Caucasian duo (Raef LaFrentz and Dan Dickau) from the Celtics and Jamal Magloire from the Yinka Dare school of passing. I’ll say this: I like Brandon Roy. Some people like Aldridge but I think he is soft. Firefighters lay his game on the street below any potential suicide jumpers for a safe landing. Bazing!

Style of Play:
I like Nate McMillan but this team is a mess. On offense, they could be somewhat interesting with Jarrett Jack, Roy, and the Spanish White Chocolate Sergio Rodriguez providing some energy in the backcourt. Up until the point one of them feeds the ball to Zach Randolph, whose last recorded pass out of a double team has still yet to occur. Darius Miles doesn’t do anything too well, except have chronic injuries and send Provincetown gang signals to his boy Q-Rich. Is this the year that Travis Outlaw and Martell Webster get significant minutes?

Impact Player:
I am going to say Brandon Roy. I'm really high on this guy...and life. He's going to get a chance to start right away and I think he will contribute in every category. I just can't wait to see who his Siegfried is going to be.

Player you would most like to get arrested with and where:
Wow, considering almost everyone on this team has been arrested before, this is a bit of a challenge. I would have to say Zach Randolph though. We would be in a Krispy Kreme, Zach would get upset and start crying that they had run out of bearclaws. The police would be summoned only to escort him out, but when he opens the door to his white on white Denali, 2 glocks, an AK-47, three half finished Alize bottles, five marijuana plants, a crack pipe, two dead prostitutes, and an unfilled tax return will fall out. He’ll be arrested for tax evasion and suspicion of playing for the Blazers.

Prediction:
This team is not going to improve much from last year’s 21-61. They need to trade away Zach Randolph and Darius Miles at some point and understand that they have a good deal of young talent on this team. Don’t be surprised to see a Jack, Roy, Outlaw, Aldridge, and Magloire starting line up at the end of year. Also don’t be surprised if it isn’t any worse than their opening day roster. I see 25-57 and Paul Allen shaking his head a lot.