The Morning Wood - 11/09/2006

Stud: Bud Black
What do you get if you turn John Lackey into an actual fantasy stud? A managing job, that’s what! Bud Black benefits from Bruce Bochy’s blunder, grabbing the Whale’s Vagina job. Question: do managing candidates submit resumes? Does Bud Black have something that says:
2005
Coached Jarrod Washburn so well that the Mariners actually gave him a 4 year contract for $37.5 million dollars. Seriously.

Kept Bartolo Colon under 300 pounds for the first month of the season.

Showed ability to coach without conflict by allowing Francisco Rodriguez, Kelvim Escobar, and Brendan Donnelly to wear those goggles even though they looked like such douche bags.

Anyway, congrats Bud.

Dud: Fabricio Oberto
22 points. 10 rebounds. Still my dud. Yeah, that’s right. This guy has officially become my least favorite NBA player (Newble, you’re starting to move out of my top five). His game is disgusting, he looks like an ogre, and he plays for the Spurs, who are the biggest collection of unemotional homos since Congress/Backstreet Boys. So average a double double this year, see if I care. I’m still going to hate you.

Talk Around the Cooler:
Evander Holyfield is contemplating a return to the boxing ring at 44 years old. I am hoping that no one allows him to get licensed in a state to do this. Hang it up! You had a solid run but at this point, there are people in the local cemetery with more brain activity. I could knock you out at this point. Don’t make me.

There is now a fourth investigation into Pat Tillman’s death in Afghanistan and it does not paint a pretty picture of what happened that day. It’s tough to say who is to blame as it seems that there were several Rangers that fired at Tillman, thinking he was an enemy. I do know that the U.S. Military and Government are to blame for the inexcusable cover up that has caused unceasing pain for the Tillman family. In the end Pat Tillman’s unselfishness in joining the Rangers is clouded over by the selfishness of the U.S. leaders’ lies.

Quick Hits...
Larry Brown’s settlement with the Knicks was supposedly 18.5 million dollars. I don’t get it: I’m a stubborn prick too, where’s my money? The bids are in for Daisuke Matsuzaka and an announcement of which team won his rights could come as early as Friday. The first order of business for that team should be to get this guy a nickname: I can’t take typing his name out any longer. Jeff Gordon just married a Belgian model who reportedly used to date Brady Anderson. Man, that’s got to be tougher for Jeff than some guy stepping up to a microphone on a Berlin stage after this guy performed. This sentence couldn’t be any more gay.