The Morning Wood - 11/14/2006

Stud: Steve Smith
This pint sized pass catcher was once again the offensive star for the Panthers last night, receiving for 149 yards and a TD against Tiki Barber’s brother. The Panthers move to 5-4, putting them only a game behind the overachieving New Orleans Saints. I think they’re turning into one of those teams that could win out and scare the poo out of everyone in the playoffs. Either that or they’ll somehow drop five straights games to the Raiders. Anything could happen when Jake Delhomme is getting his Creole on.

Dud: Jon "I'm five foot three of wicked F'ing tough" Gruden
I was at least willing to ignore your stupid little “someone stole my juice box and it’s really ruining my nap time” scowl that you rock from the kick off to the last whistle when your team was somewhat good. But they suck now, and I’ve had enough Gruden. You want to know what scares me more than that scowl? Babies, Kleenex, those dogs with all those wrinkles, grandmothers. I’m beginning to doubt that you even won a Super Bowl. Go screw yourself.

Talk Around the Cooler:
Two dudes that look like they have hit spas more than they’ve been hit are going to finally face off. Oscar “Of the” Hoya (feminine) and “Pretty Boy” Floyd Mayweather will square off in May 2007. There are some interesting side plots to this fight. Mayweather’s estranged father is De La Hoya’s manager. Mayweather has claimed that he will retire after his next fight and De La Hoya has also been considering walking away. Then of course there’s the battle if the nickname Golden Boy is more or less gay than Pretty Boy. Start reserving your seats now!

Quick Hits...
Baseball sources have stated that the Red Sox dropped $42 million to get the chance to sign Daisuke Matsuzaka. You think that is pretty large money but the truth is that the Red Sox have been offering $42 million to any person who would make Matt Clement “disappear” since May. With the Redskins choking on it, Mark Brunell will be benched in favor of first round draft pick Jason Campbell. This will of course give him more time to bitch about Medicaid, the government, the weather, hip hop, and Mexicans. Wait, that might be my grandmother. Joe Girardi, you just inspired a group of inexperienced rookies to play well over their heads, which will almost definitely win you the NL Manager of the Year award. What do you want to do next? Be a broadcaster for Yankees games on the YES network. Really? Hmm. Well, good luck carrying Susan Waldman’s bags/strap-on.