The Morning Wood - 11/08/2006

Stud: Heath Shuler
The 34-year-old former NFL quarterback (a term used ever so loosely) upset eight-term Republican incumbent Chuck Taylor in North Carolina's 11th Congressional district. Talk about an interception (snarf). His platform included what he referred to as "mountain values," which apparently include an anti-abortion stance, anti-gay marriage, gun rights, a change in Iraq policy and a career 15/33 TD/INT ratio. I don't know about you, but I think that a man with a 49.2% completion rate should not be legislating who can and cannot unite in marriage. I'm guessing the people of North Carolina suffered through some inexcusable football analogies over the course of the campaign. After leading the Redskins to 3-13 and 6-10 seasons, he'll surely be able to succeed in Washington this time around. On a serious note, we do like Heath's pro-environment stance.

Dud: Lynn Swann
Given today's stud/dud combo, it seems that NFL and political success are inversely proportional. Swann was smoked in his bid to become governor of Pennsylvania. So they'll let him win their state a Super Bowl but won't elect him to their state's executive branch? Bullshit. What, are his qualifications as Chairman of the US Presiden't Council on Physical Fitness and Sports not good enough for you Pennsylvanians? He's also a director on the boards of the Heinz Co. and Wyndham International, meaning he knows his ketchup and his hospitality. Combine those two and you've got a freakin' party! But no, the Pennsylvanians chose political experience over high-sodium tomato products and over-chlorinated pools. Your loss, keystone state.

Talk Around the Cooler:
In other sports/political news, Sacramentonians (not a word) rejected a tax increase that would have funded a new arena for their beloved Kings. Instead, they're satisfied with this center of urban excitment. Ron Artest has threatened the entire city.

Quick Hits...
I'm convinced that this has something to do with karma. 79-year-olds don't remain in hospitals as a precaution; they remain in hospitals b/c they're 79-year-olds. You can't tell me that Wise wouldn't disapprove of this complaining. Least exciting quarterback controversy ever.