NBA Preview: Utah Jazz

Andrei Kirilenko - NBA game: All-Star, Game with the ladies: 8th grade.

Changes:
Not much to write about here, and that's the way the Mormons like it. They resigned Matt Harpring (poorman's Szczerbiak), which is a decent move, then went out on the free-agent market and got Derek Fisher - who, at only 32 years of age, is the fake-oldest person in the league. I swear he played with James Worthy. If he's healthy, it's a nice addition. In the draft, they chose Ronnie Brewer, which isn't a bad pick, but they could have had Ronnie Brewer without the nauseating jumpshot if they selected Rodney Carney, who went two picks later. Brewer will probably be a pretty exciting player when he's not catching the evil eye from everyone he passes on the streets of Salt Lake City. They also nabbed Dee Brown and Roger Powell, who, combined with Deron Williams, couldn't beat UNC in 2006, so they should have a pretty good shot at taking down some NBA teams. Oh, and there's a black guy named Hiram on their preseason squad. That should make him pretty popular in Utah. L'chaim!

Style of Play:
Tough to say. Half the time, it's wait for Andrei Kirilenko to do something amazing on the defensive end, then fast-break. The other 60% of the time, I'd say it's a lot of Deron Williams/Mehmet Okur pick-and-pops at the top of the key, which could be worse. It's sort of like Stockton/Malone, only less white, but I'm not sure how. Oh, I remember. They've got a lot of guys who can knock down open shots (Harpring, Giricek, Fisher, Okur) and a talented-yet-unmotivated Inuit on the low-post (Boozer), but that puts a lot of pressure on Williams to create. Other than AK-47, they're pretty soft on the defensive end.

Impact Player:
Their best player is Kirilenko, who combines freakish athleticism with a freakishly gay hairstyle. The success of the Jazz, however, rests soley on the broad shoulders of Carlos Boozer. When he's sueing Prince for painting his house purple, backing out of contracts, or spending time on the IR, he's of no use. When he's healthy and down on the block, he's Diamonds and Pearls. Snarf. Without a healthy Boozer, the team is full of jumpshooting softies.

Player you would most like to get arrested with and where:
The culprit has to be Rafael Araujo. He went to BYU, so he's got to know some locals, he tested positive for steroids at the World Championships in 2002, so he's got a crazy streak, and he is on the verge of turning into an NBA punchline after being picked 8th in the 2004 draft, so he's probably bottling up some emotions. I'm guessing the night will involve a Brazillian restaurant, too many Caipirinhas, and Araujo knocking out a waiter, then wielding his meat skewer at customers.

Prediction:
If they're healthy, I think Jerry Sloan turns them into a playoff team and they're one of the season's big surprises. Unfortunately, I don't think they'll be healthy. 40-42, just missing the playoffs.