The Morning Wood - 10/26/2006

Stud: Brian Cashman
Hate the Yankees, but I respect this move. This way, they hold all the chips in Sheffield's future, and can make sure that he doesn't go to the Red Sox. There's going to be a huge shitstorm when he's traded to some dawdling franchise like Baltimore or Texas, but the Yanks should get some decent prospect in return. There's been a lot of Chone Figgins talk in the Bronx, so maybe they'll throw him to the Angels. Iron Sheff is surely to eventually blame this one on the man, but hopefully the situation will resolve itself soon so he can get back to his offseason workout of being angry, shaping his 'stache and making sure his wife isn't keepin' anything on the downlow.

Dud: Clouds
Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, Cirrus, Stratus, Cumulus, and especially you, Nimbus. What's going on in St. Louis? It sounds like you've set up shop, and we're going to have to play the World Series either w/NorthFace uniforms or move it to the Metrodome. I think Fox had to run an episode of that awful Michael Rappaport show last night in the game's stead, the viewing of which I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Talk Around the Cooler:
There could not be a funnier headline. From union spokesman Dan Wasserman: "a provision was added to the collective bargaining agreement that subjects the players to discipline if they bring any kind of firearm, even if it's licensed, to an NBA arena, practice facility, or even a team or league offsite promotional appearance." Oh, so they can't be packin' heat at the next Read to Achieve event? How's AI gon' protect himself from those kids in the cornrows lookin' at him funny? That hat ain't no joke! This ain't no game!

Quick Hits...
Here's a box of fucking tissues. Try focusing less on words and more on the sticks and stones of your TD/INT ratio. Weird how this happened in a game involving Ron Artest. How does that girl from Laguna Beach/Paris Hilton/Tara Reid/half of the women of California feel about this?