The Morning Wood - 10/24/2006

Stud: Buffalo Sabres
The Buffalo Sabres are off to their best start in franchise history at 9-0. I know that no one watches hockey but they are quite an impressive group to watch, like the Suns of the NHL. That statement can’t be backed up in any way. If Pat Lafontaine wasn’t in his seventh straight year of migraines due to his 43rd career concussion, I’m sure he would be celebrating. Unfortunately, based on my knowledge of plate tectonics, weather patterns and wind currents, I am predicting that the Sabres will have to forfeit at least 25 games this year due to roughly a shitload of snow, potentially ruining a run at the best record in league history. Sidenote: Did the Sabre have an offseason affair with the San Diego Charger Bolt and produce a bastard child?

Dud: Cowboy QBs
This just in: Drew Bledsoe is not mobile! This also just in: Tony Romo is mobile but not exactly NFL-experienced! Bill Parcells has forced himself into a QB controversy that could just ruin the ‘Boys entire season. Bledsoe is not one of those “help the replacement out” type of guys but he also isn’t one of those “avoid the pass rush/look off a safety/release the ball in a timely manner” type of guys so Tuna is stuck with either a crap pile in the backfield or a cancer in the clubhouse. Good luck, especially with so many other high character guys on the team. Tony Romo has got to be a porno name. Somewhere, Jerry Jones is wishing he still had the ability to grimace.

Talk Around the Cooler:
I hate it when coordinators get fired from teams that clearly just have major issues. The latest to fall is Maurice Carthon of the Browns. You think Maurice’s offense would have worked somewhat better with, I don’t know, the Colts running it? You think Jim Fassel’s offense could thrive if he didn’t have to work with Steve Mcnair’s bounce passes and Jamal Lewis’ inability to make a cut with ankle cuffs on? Don’t fire the coordinators, fire the people drafting and recycling old ineffective talent. Or, in Brian Billick’s case, just fire the frigging pompous ass of a coach.

Quick Hits:
Everybody wants Bobby Bowden to retire, after the ‘Noles fell to White Boy U Boston College. I disagree because the Florida State program isn’t just about winning games: It’s about learning and maturing as well. A father pulled a gun on a coach of his son’s football team, apparently upset that his 6 year old son wasn’t getting enough playing time. Nice country. Sorry sir, but it's obvious your son sucks at football. He's probably gay too. Are you going to plant a car bomb on his ballet teacher's minivan in the future? Some people are speculating that Sebastian Telfair might have had more of a role in the shooting of rapper Fabolous than he is letting on. If I’m Telfair I’m not too concerned because we all know that that shit is going to get pinned on Shyne. Just to answer your question Hank Williams Jr: Yes, I am ready for some football, but not to the same degree that I'm ready for you to just fuck off.