The Morning Wood - 10/20/2006

Welcome to today's Morning Wood. It's being done by a sleep deprived, single male. He is not happy today. Don't expect much (like you ever do from me). On a lighter note - happy birthday to Hasmitt, I got him an escort in her mid-30's a few weeks back as my gift to him. And let me tell you, he fuckin loved it. He'll love the STD's too. Here's to Hasmitt!!

Stud: Justin Rose
The Englishman, by way of South Africa shot an opening round 60, and was actually disappointed with that score. Talk about high standards. I'm glad I have low standards - makes life easier and less disappointing. For example, I would bet that Preston Wilson doesn't mind that he's the only player in MLB history to have more strikeouts than at bats - he's just happy to be playing professional baseball. Low standards is the way to go.

Dud: Braden (Billy Wagner) Looper
No, Mr. Wagner didn't give up the 2-run shot to fucking Orestes Destrade, but he should have been out there last night in the 9th inning. Not Aaron Heilman, who in my opinion is a pretty good reliever, but not someone who should be pitching in that situation. Randolph's reluctance to use Wagner last night is akin to this guy's reluctance to admit he's black - unparalleled.

Talk Around The Cooler:
So some internet fucks decided to have an online "writing competition" to see who could create the scariest threat. This fun little game was relayed to those responsible guys at the Dept. of Homeland Security, who stepped in and found out threats of bombs being detonated at stadiums this weekend was a hoax. How bout I just take out the link and write the whole fucking article? God this is horrible. Apparently playing Dungeons and Dragons just wasn't cutting it anymore for these guys.

Tiki Barber is retiring at the end of the season. Big fucking deal! And motherfuckers need to stop discussing whether he's Hall of Fame caliber. If he gets in, then the following players deserve to get in too: Blair Thomas, Gus Frerotte, Lawrence Phillips and Heath Shuler. All great players, but left the game too early.

MLB and the Players Union are reportedly close to a new labor deal. What does this mean? Nothing. Bud Selig will contine to be fellate Donald Fehr and Barry Bonds' dome will continue to have planets orbit it.

Quick Hits:
Great letter to John Madden from Madden 2007's worst-rated player. I think safety issues should be more of a concern, rather than height. I'd call these moments of comic relief rather than blunders.