From: 'God'
Sent: Wednesday, May 17, 2006 7:13 AM
To: 'Curt Schilling'
Subject: Last Night's performance

Hello, God here. I just wanted to send you a note to thank you for your continued support. I might be a little much though with the Name dropping about baseball. I mean, I appreciate you and Timlin giving me credit for your performances and what not, but to be honest, with the Middle East as unsettled as a stomach after Mrs. Timlin's deer porridge and half of Africa infected with HIV, I've got bigger fish to fry than how you guys do playing a game. But hey, everyone needs some time off so I decided to watch your start last night.
Now I know that the New Testament Me is supposed to be more forgiving and kind than the lightning bolt and plague Me of old, but you're making it pretty difficult for me. Unlike that true Christian Timlin, who was untouchable in the 7th and 8th, you were somewhat disappointing. Now maybe I'm not omniscient, but I always thought you were supposed to waste a pitch out of the strike zone on 0-2 counts. I mean, maybe I don't know everything. A ball isn't a sin Curt, trust me. Neither is a curveball. This whole issue with serving up homer runs is somewhat concerning for me as well. Okay, maybe I could give you Ramon Hernandez and Jay Gibbons, but My Only Son Who I Sent to Earth to Atone for all Human Sins! Brandon Fahey? He's 150 pounds soaking wet. I assume that you are filled with self doubt and my disappointment in you can't help. That's what makes this next part so hard.
I've got to let you go. Once again, I appreciated all the attention you bring to Me, so much so that I let it slide when you sided with Bush (don't get Me started on him) but I just can't do it anymore. Have you thought of converting to Judaism? It seemed to work for Sandy Koufax and look at Youk, he seems to be having a productive year. I suppose it doesn't have to be Judaism but just something else. I'm sorry but I have a reputation to think of here and I really can't be associated with guys that have ERAs of six 6 and a half in their last five starts. Again, good luck and Me speed.