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Barry Bonds did not hit a home run last night. He also did not enjoy talking to reporters or the colors of the baseball and bases due to racist undertones. He did not remember to check if his oven was off before leaving the ballpark. He did not cross Go, did not eat green eggs and ham, did not aid Lee Harvey Oswald in any way. He did not go out for drinks after the game with Jim Bowden, Eddie Sutton, Bobby Huggins or Larry Eustachy. He did not appear on Wild and Out. He did not get photographed by paparazzi with Nick Lachey. Arizona 7, San Francisco 4.