In my continuing quest to prove that sex and sports are as intertwined as church and state, I have revisited the Archaic Sexual Bases system. If you have not heard of this system, you are in a sad state of affairs. No, I'm not going to explain it to you, I'm just going directly to the new sexual baseball definitions.

Ground Rule Double: fondling a Prostitute

Bunt Single: kissing a passed out girl

Walk Off Homerun: sleep with a girl, never see her again

Stand up Triple: I can't stop laughing long enough to define this one

Sacrifice Fly: Letting your homey run up in your girl

Opposite Field Home Run: Anal

Infield Single: kissing your sister

Inside the Park Home Run: bringing flowers, opening the car door, pulling out the chair, buying dinner and a bottle of wine, telling her she's beautiful, all for missionary in the back of an Accord