The Freakness Stakes

Honestly, what's with this shit? Horse racing, in principle, combines some of America's favorite activities: exploiting animals, gambling, public intoxication, and laughing at midgets. Then they have to go and soil such a pure event with this kind of crap. Give these two "southern belles" another mint julep and for ten seconds on national television, they'd be willing to go down on Bernardini. Or maybe even this guy, who I'm pretty sure they cryogenically freeze for 11 months of the year. And Barbaro. Jesus Christ, if I see one more sign wishing that soon-to-be pile of glue well, I'm going to euthanize the horse w/a shovel. I feel bad for the thing, but when people start treating it like a blood relative, my sympathy wanes. Granted, these racing horses are the most beautiful and graceful of their species, but when you boil it down, they're really just dumb animals unknowingly riding around in circles lugging some cousin of his on their backs. The jockeys are fantastic, however. Any time the prerequisites for success are small stature, anorexia, a severe drug problem and mental instability, that's a sport that really impresses me. In fact, given these requirements, I think I've found the ultimate riders. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 triple crown winners.