The Morning Wood - 07/14/2006

Stud: Ben Roethlisberger
This guy must have enormous moronic testicles. We've learned that Evil Knievel was seconds away from death following that little motorcycle accident of his, but he is still undecided as to whether he'll get back on the deathtrap of a horse for more Sunday afternoon helmetless cruisin'. Seriously, stud. Does anyone else have this combination of bravery/ignorance/stupidity? Well, maybe one guy. A great quote from Ben: "...it's one of those things that I ride with a helmet also. I do a little bit of both. If you don't wear a seat belt every time you ride in the car should I label you as a person who doesn't wear a seat belt? And unfortunately I happened to not have it on that day because I forgot it in the basement." Well Ben, if a guy smokes crack only on Sundays, but is clean Mon.-Sat., should he be labeled as a guy who smokes crack? Um, yes. And you should be labeled accordingly as well. And forgot it in the basement? At least go w/"my dog ate it." Much more believable.

Dud: Mark Loretta
Hate to knock this yeoman-like second baseman, but he had a simply awful error that cost the Sox the game last night. He narrowly wins the Dud award over the guy who records Red Sox games in his basement w/a camcorder pointed at the television.

Talk Around the Cooler:
Looks like Paul Pierce has signed a contract extension w/the Cs. If he had done this two years ago, I would have been dead-set against it, but now, I couldn't be happier. I'd say he's one of the 10 best players in the NBA, and in crunch time, top 3. W/the young nucleus maturing each day, I forsee good things for Boston. This news happens on the same day that DWade and Lebron sign 3-year deals. Probably perfect for Wade, b/c he'll have the option of jumping ship just as Shaq fades out of NBA and into law enforcement. I'd be surprised if TheBron signed w/Cleveland in 2009.

Quick Hits...
As a general rule, guys should stop making time-of-the-month jokes when girls their age actually start having times-of-the-month.

Does "face only a mother could love" even apply here?

2:1 this guy is schtupping Eva Longoria w/in 7 months.

When has mortgaging your future for relief pitching ever worked out well? When? When???!!! Is Isiah Thomas running the Reds behind the scenes?