Pondering from the 'Pen

Jayson Stark made such a big deal about Ryan Howard and David Ortiz getting multiple baseballs wet in the Home Run Derby this week but he fails to come up with a figure for the amount of panties David Wright got wet.
Ah yes, just what I needed in July, Sean Salisbury telling me who is going to win the Super Bowl. I hope John Clayton beats you up.
Congratulations to Edgar Renteria for not shitting his pants when he saw the "B" on David Ortiz's hat. He's really more comfortable now.
This whole Materazzi-Zidane is going to go on and on unless we come up with a reasonable solution. That solution? Yo Momma! Here's a potential interaction:

Materazzi: If you were to enter the US, their terror alert color would change.
Zidane: If I were to enter your wife, her frown would change.
Materazzi: Your hairline starts all the way back when France was a superpower.
Zidane: Your country is shaped like a boot, which is also what your wife likes me to wear when I enter her.
Materazzi: Pele called and told me you were quite the matchup.
Zidane: Your mother gets her pasta recipes from Olive Garden.

Ben Roethlisberger was told that he was seconds from death after his motorcycle accident. This was not the first time he was that close to death, as he once considered raw dogging this STD pin cushion. You just know she's got the Germ.
I noticed Barry Bonds had a "DNP-rest" the other night. I think he has a chance for some other great DNP reasons: DNP-Blind date with white chick, DNP-Head can't fit through dugout entrance, DNP-Everybody's racist, DNP-Reporters hurt my feeling, DNP-Incarcerated, DNP- Chasing Aaron...Neville.
Having an WNBA All Star game is like having Glass Ceiling Polishing as an Olympic Event.
Jim Eriotes, an 83 year old man, became the oldest person to appear in a professional baseball game when he struck out for the Sioux Falls Canaries. He was immediately added to the list of players that Yankees fans would rather have up in a clutch situation than Alex Rodriguez.
Fernando Tatis, where have you gone?