Objects found in Scot Pollard's Locker

-a year's supply of rogaine
-protractor for proper sideburn angle
-marshmallow fluff
-2 XL feather thongs
-4 Van Morrison CDs inside 4 Stain'd CD cases
-1 unopened Zima, signed by Corey Haim
-1 Copy of Shakespeare's Sonnets, unopened.
-2 sandbags
-Jermaine O'Neal's car keys
-one large bottle of Cialis
- Lava lamp in the shape of a penis
- Sudoku for Dummies book
-hipster doofus thick black frame glasses
-multiple scrunchies
-2 unopened slim jims, tucked into a "World's #1 Granddad" coffee mug
-clip-on looney tunes tie with cheese whiz stain
-hidden inner child